i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize