Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
