if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
