Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
