Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
