Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
