everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
