i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so let's talk penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
