dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
