OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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