Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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