Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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