since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
