This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
