last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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