Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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