i think my mom watched the whole time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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