I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
