the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How external is "for external use only"?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
