How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
