thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
