I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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