Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My dick has a subreddit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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