Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
