Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
