Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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