we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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