it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
