Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
