Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
