Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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