Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Randomize
