Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
