You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
