listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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