hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
