I met the friendliest cop last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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