sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
