I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
