dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize