I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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