Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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