Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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