12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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