You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
