Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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