He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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