Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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