I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
