Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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