Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
