watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
