I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I AM VODKA MAN
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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