she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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