Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
