Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
