I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
