yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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