somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
