Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
