I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
