Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
