either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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