You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
