Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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