All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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