He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm getting married
To pizza
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
