remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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