Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize