just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
