Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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