there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
