I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize