I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
