I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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