so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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