i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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