I think i peed on brittanys purse
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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