shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
