He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
