can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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