I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
