hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
