She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
