I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize