i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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