According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
