so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
