I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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