sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
