I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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