Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
